“Some of these fools are so deceptive/ Using my styles like a contraceptive”
Thus said Snoop Dogg in the early 90s while I nodded along in a bandana, hoops and pinrolled dungarees… little did I know how true this would be to 33 year old me…
OK, let me explain.
I went for a walk today with a childless friend and his dog (which btw DOESN’T COUNT). He divulged to me that one of the reasons he and his partner were no longer thinking of having kids was US, seeing how much we had given up and how much we had struggled.
That’s where I am, a one-woman contraceptive.
Though the comment was said in all delicacy and he is a true friend (really, he is), I can’t help feeling… dowdy, boring, poor, shabby…This is NOT the mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be the fun-look-at-me-yes it’s-hard-but-oh-so-much-love walking advert. The yes-the-money’s-tight-but-we-have-each-other type.The MILF, the yummy mummy, the Supermum.
And what did I say, yes what did I say, did I say “Oh come on, having kids is fantastic. The pure love you give and gets opens your heart in ways you can’t even imagine. My 3 homebirths were the most amazing ecstatic experiences of my and my partners lives. I am proud to put my kids first. I love watching them grow and learn and discover the world. I look forward to a future with them and by them and with my grandchildren after that” or even the blatant “at least I will have someone to look after me when I’m old”…
No, I said “Yes, well, I sometimes think that if people knew what having children really meant, they wouldn’t have them at all”.
(and I don’t mean him)