“Some of these fools are so deceptive/ Using my styles like a contraceptive”
Thus said Snoop Dogg in the early 90s while I nodded along in a bandana, hoops and pinrolled dungarees… little did I know how true this would be to 33 year old me…
OK, let me explain.
I went for a walk today with a childless friend and his dog (which btw DOESN’T COUNT). He divulged to me that one of the reasons he and his partner were no longer thinking of having kids was US, seeing how much we had given up and how much we had struggled.
That’s where I am, a one-woman contraceptive.
Though the comment was said in all delicacy and he is a true friend (really, he is), I can’t help feeling… dowdy, boring, poor, shabby…This is NOT the mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be the fun-look-at-me-yes it’s-hard-but-oh-so-much-love walking advert. The yes-the-money’s-tight-but-we-have-each-other type.The MILF, the yummy mummy, the Supermum.
And what did I say, yes what did I say, did I say “Oh come on, having kids is fantastic. The pure love you give and gets opens your heart in ways you can’t even imagine. My 3 homebirths were the most amazing ecstatic experiences of my and my partners lives. I am proud to put my kids first. I love watching them grow and learn and discover the world. I look forward to a future with them and by them and with my grandchildren after that” or even the blatant “at least I will have someone to look after me when I’m old”…
No, I said “Yes, well, I sometimes think that if people knew what having children really meant, they wouldn’t have them at all”.
THIS.FOOL.HAS.GOT.TO.CHANGE
(and I don’t mean him)
So Many Right Ways 
haha maybe but the way I look at it is this…if that person looks at their life and says “ok, if I don’t have kids this is what the rest of my life will look life. It will never be much different than this” and is ok with that then fine. But I know that most people don’t want that. Another 40 years of that one thing is a long time. They are reluctant to give up things and make the change as they are thinking about the immediate future and not the long term benefit. Pre kids I had a lovely, very social, life. I went to the theatre and music festivals and trendy bars and wore expensive clothes and traveled overseas annually at the very least. But the thought of this being the pinnacle of my life? Well that was just sad and rather boring. I don’t do any of those things now but I wouldn’t change this for anything, even though it does REALLY suck some days. Because it does. Even then I wouldn’t change it.
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thankyou luv!
Actually I should say thanks to my friend: it made me realise how sorry ive been feeling for myself…that has got to stop. yes things have been/are tough, but that doesnt mean life has to be devoid of J.O.Y! I love my kids, I love my life! I need to communicate that!!!
im thinking of doing a 30-day no moaning challange. TBC…
ps Gonna have another go at that link things later, had to rush of yesterday and need to actually concentrate on it!
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lol no worries at all! haha no moaning challenge. I know a few people that could give that a go to be honest!!
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Ha ha hah! I’ll join you on a no-moaning challenge 😉 I too LOVE being a mum and wouldn’t change it for anything, but I am so far away from the glamorous supermum I want to be I am ashamed of the example I set for others. I am the mother that never goes out, moans about how hard it is daily and is lucky if she gets a shower in the morning, let alone actually doing something like fixing my hair or putting on unstained, feminine clothes… Sigh… AND I want another. The life I currently live should make me my own contraceptive, surely?!? But you’re right – it is often very difficult to express the joy of our lives when there is so much work involved. I should do exactly what you have written and communicate more of the good things to people. Maybe if I keep talking the talk I will eventually, truly believe it more often than I currently do 🙂
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Sometimes these things just slip out! But all mummies know what you mean. And dogs never learn how to feed themselves and you’re picking their shit up forever. Stick that in his pipe!x
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It’s given me a kick up the bum to be more positive in my own mind about the MANY blessings I have, and get some clever comments ready for the next time I face something like that…which I (we all) surely will!
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