Shout out to single mums

I’m migrating some older writing from other areas, to have it all in one place because I like the idea of this blog as a writer’s narrative. The original meaning of blog: web-log. Here’s some more (b)logging. May be of special interest to my fave single mummy blogger MFS!

As the daughter of a single mum, I’m often irked by the bad press they receive. I even heard some digs at them connected to the 2011 riots in London… I mean really, if you could choose a reason from the following: selfish capitalism, un-representational and unrealistic politics or single motherhood, which is really the culprit of youth dissatisfaction?

Single mothers can and do raise balanced, healthy, positive human beings. In fact, I would go a step further and say that there is another side of single-parenthood that is never, ever talked about, specifically when there is only one child: it can be fun.

As the single daughter of a single mum I can say there were hard times, times when I would have liked to see my mum more, or when I would have liked the shared experience and security of a larger family, but there were , many, many fun things we did that you can’t when you have to take into account brothers, sisters, and dad.

We travelled a lot. I went back and forth between my 2 countries, Greece and England, and me and mum travelled around England and Europe staying with people and friends. I experienced bohemian parties and communal living first hand. Then when I was older, she took me out of school first to Greece, and then to India travelling. I feel these things would have been a lot more complicated if we hadn’t been in the single child/single mum set-up.

Then there was the day to day stuff: not having a timetable based on other people’s needs, less time spent on talking and trying to fit everyone in, no meals that had to be on the table for hungry people.

There was a sense of freedom, that we could come and go at whatever hour, do what we wanted when we wanted, that I was a part of her life. She took me along to things (she had to!): gallery openings, obscure theatre productions, contemporary dance, artsy films.

She read me sophisticated books for an early age and there was no one to share the reading time with, no one to cook for after she was finished with me. So what if she didn’t have time to put the wash on, we washed our knickers in the bath and put on other clothes, no one complained.

We took rides out into the country at the drop of a hat: the snow covered fens, trips to see old friends in Scottish villages, down to London to hang out at the ICA and eat crispy fried duck in SOHO. Took me out of school on my birthday to go shopping and visit museums, at the teachers disapproval. A sense of comradarie.

Me and my mum are friends, not in the inappropriate way that we would go clubbing together, but a friendship born of many shared experiences. She gave me vivacity and hunger for knowledge, a capacity to question things, enjoy life. I am always in awe of her great intelligence, which I had all to myself, and her spontaneity, which wouldn’t have worked the same way in the traditional family setting.

So, big up to single mums, let there be more positive writing about them, and instead of seeing it as a disadvantage, give them support to make it an inspiring and fun journey.

Advertisements
Shout out to single mums

4 thoughts on “Shout out to single mums

  1. Thank you for this post! You are so right, there are many benefits to being a single parent. For me it is the fact that I get 24 hours per week off almost every week. I am also lucky to co-parent with a very involved dad so I have him to bounce ideas off and talk parenting strategies.Plus I don’t have to clean the house up before hubby comes home which I hear many people have to do. It actually isn’t as bad as I thought it would be 🙂

    Like

  2. My sister and were raised solely by my mom without any father involvement. while it had its hard times, I feel like I learned self-sufficiency and the fact that women can do anything despite the gender stereotypes in our culture. Girls can learn the same thing with a dad in the picture, of course, but witnessing my mom go from stay at home mom to college student, to full time working mom to making lots of money later in life mom proved to me that if you want something to happen, you can make it happen.

    Like

  3. There just isn’t one simple and best way to grow a family is there. While the traditional family unit has many benefits, there are also benefits of single parent families, and of course negatives to both as anything in life. More should be said on praise of the many women (and men) out there rising kids alone and doing bloody great!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s