Will it matter?

will it matter

Don’t know if this has gone viral all over the globe, but on this little speck it’s trending to post the first profile pic you made on Facebook and tag other friends to do the same.

So I did. A lovely smiling face of me and my (then 2 y/o) first child, I look young and happy, with shiny hair, smooth skin, and no bags. I look quite hot actually. My son looks cute. It’s a really nice picture.

I’m not usually officially bothered by the whole aging thing. Yes, yes, I know I’m “young”, but I know some people who have been bothered by every passing year for, like, FOREVER. I’m not.

I like birthdays, like the sense of accomplishment I usually feel, setting new goals, celebrating with friends and family, and progressively more children.

Tbh, what’s bothered me most on the aging subject in recent years is those around me. I don’t usually notice it in myself so much, but because I live abroad I see friends and family infrequently, sometimes years apart, so they look older each time.

I don’t make a value judgment on whether that means they look better or worse, it’s just the years are noticeable. I also find this bothers me seeing my mum get older. Yes, it really bothers me actually. The years are passing, I guess it makes me feel the impermanence of life.

Then there are celebs, have you seen Brad Pitt lately? Or Cameron Diaz? I can’t stand it. I want them to stay young forever, like they were in Thelma & Louise and There’s something About Mary. Indefinitely.

So I posted this old profile picture, and it made me feel good to see a pretty photo of myself, and bad to think I don’t look that nice anymore. For those who have based any sense of themselves around what they look like, losing what they perceived they had is going to be painful.

I have. It is.

One day I will say “I used to be beautiful”.

Will it matter.

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/gwendalcentrifugue/7163627005/”>Gwendal_</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

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Will it matter?

On beauty

Being pretty. It’s what we all grew up knowing was good, right and necessary. My mum was a “right on” alternative parent, yet still, I have in my head one of best best compliments to me was beautiful. She also laid on clever pretty thick 😉

I grew up in the 90s, era of Pamela Anderson, the supermodel, and rise of pole dancing as an acceptable methods of putting yourself through collage. Really. 90s was pretty sick for women, and I don’t mean sick in a good way. Anyway…I digress, I wanted to write about beauty, about being pretty.

Nower days, many of us right-on parents are aware of not placing too high a value on looks. Everyone is equal right, looks don’t matter, prettiest isn’t best. I agree with this and try my best not to focus on clothes and looks too much with my kids, accept them as they are. I also try to complain as little as possible about myself and my looks, hair or body. I do wear makeup and do my hair and love clothes though, but I consider it part of cultural play to enjoy appearance to a degree, like dressing up, which I loved as a kid.

However much we do this, its only a matter of time before the world drops its bomb to our girls though: a cruel massage that to be acceptable you need to be pretty. They will go through it until they a old and mature enough to not give a shit.

Girlchild is pretty. Really above average beautiful actually, with her Greek/English/Colombian roots. I don’t think about it much, except sometimes when I stare at her sweet face and fall in love….but that’s more because I’m her mum than her objective beauty. But it has been pointed out.

Wow, she is really, really beautiful, eh.

Que guapa.

Dont cry, beautiful girls don’t cry, you will look ugly. That’s what they say.

(i.e Shut up and be pretty, its what you do best)

And fine, cool, so she’s pretty. Big deal. But check this out, this new parental worry. I’m worried that she might be too beautiful. Because although everyone wants to be good looking, being over good looking is actually a curse. (I’m not saying this through direct experience before I get pegged as some kind of narcissist!)

Exceptional beauty brings problems, I’ve seen it. It brings envy, a unwanted attention, it can warp a personality, blot out other qualities.

So what’s that about?

Girls: be pretty, sweet and good, and, for gods sake, don’t be ugly. Fit in, be pleasing on the eye, tow the line, but don’t stand out, don’t be too fabulous and be above yourself, because we will cut you down, envy you, bring you down a peg or two, show you who is boss.

It’s all part of the same parcel in this patriarchal value system.

So, girlchild: be brave in your beauty and your feminine power. If the world finds you pleasing to look at, use it wisely, enjoy it, don’t be afraid. Of course, don’t abuse it, it doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else, and I trust you to know that, because you are that wise. Shine on my strong girl, don’t let them cut you down for it, be fabulous like you are. Be bold, be worldly, be sturdy. You are beautiful but not just because they say you are, because you have a beautiful spirit.

Oh Lordy. To be a woman.

On beauty