Hello my little blog!
I missed you….sorry I’ve been absent for a while. You see, I’ve had this little change in my life. It begins with a W, ends with a K and has o and r somewhere in between.
The W word may come between us for a while, who knows, it may even be the thing that breaks us apart in the end.
I want you to know that I value you and that, whatever happens, our few months together have been special. I hope they were good for you too.
You are great, you have eased my mind when it was full to burst, you have provided me with some great reading via our mutual friends (hi!) and also helped me to further a new passion for me: social networks and social media.
All the while we have been in the company of our trusty old companion, writing. Writing will always be ours.
Is this a goodbye? I don’t know what to say blog…I’ve got to work 39 hours a week and, as you know, 3 children…I hope I will be able to spend some time on you, but (and I hope you don’t take this personally) you are just not a priority at the moment.
Lets just say we are taking a break for the moment.
All my love, as always.
“Some of these fools are so deceptive/ Using my styles like a contraceptive”
Thus said Snoop Dogg in the early 90s while I nodded along in a bandana, hoops and pinrolled dungarees… little did I know how true this would be to 33 year old me…
OK, let me explain.
I went for a walk today with a childless friend and his dog (which btw DOESN’T COUNT). He divulged to me that one of the reasons he and his partner were no longer thinking of having kids was US, seeing how much we had given up and how much we had struggled.
That’s where I am, a one-woman contraceptive.
Though the comment was said in all delicacy and he is a true friend (really, he is), I can’t help feeling… dowdy, boring, poor, shabby…This is NOT the mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be the fun-look-at-me-yes it’s-hard-but-oh-so-much-love walking advert. The yes-the-money’s-tight-but-we-have-each-other type.The MILF, the yummy mummy, the Supermum.
And what did I say, yes what did I say, did I say “Oh come on, having kids is fantastic. The pure love you give and gets opens your heart in ways you can’t even imagine. My 3 homebirths were the most amazing ecstatic experiences of my and my partners lives. I am proud to put my kids first. I love watching them grow and learn and discover the world. I look forward to a future with them and by them and with my grandchildren after that” or even the blatant “at least I will have someone to look after me when I’m old”…
No, I said “Yes, well, I sometimes think that if people knew what having children really meant, they wouldn’t have them at all”.
(and I don’t mean him)
I was going to write a post about these huge heaving changes that seem to be happening in my life. How this seems to be making my relationship pretty crunchy, how worn out and tired I feel with 3 kids, no nearby familia and years of economic shit ( world economic crisis+ young family just don’t make a great combo however you look at it). How I’ve got these health issues that are unknown and have made me lose a silly amount of weight since having my last baby, how nostalgic I feel about my kids as I will be pushed back into 40 hour a week work as soon as possible.
But I’m not.
I’m going to write about gerbils instead.
So, even though I SWORE we wouldn’t get another caged pet after witnessing how the last hamster spent its short life either locked in a small cage or tucked under my DDs arm like a small dog (her dream), I caved and got 2 gerbils a few months ago.
Note: NEVER get gerbils. They look like hamsters with tails, oh so cute, but they are FAST and they can CHEW.
Chewing their way through our and our friends cardboard supply just wasn’t enough…Pinky (the braver of the two) chewed and jumped out of the first cage we had. Granted, it was just an under-the-bed box I was using to be thrifty, but still…who would have thought…
While on ‘holiday’ Pinky managed to chew through our computer lead (f***ing expensive as we all know) and also used my DHs fancy speaker as a nest, spewing the speaker stuffing all over the place as if she didn’t care.
On to cage #2. A proper caged, second-hand on Internet, so pleased was I.
I woke up last week and realised Pinky had CHEWED an escape hole out of cage #2 and Viper (timid Viper) had followed. It was not just a random “I need to chew and…oops, oh cool…I’ve made a hole, lets see what’s out there” hole, it was a “I’m breaking this joint and getting the F out as quick as I can” type hole.
You see, with one taste of freedom, she (yes it’s a he, we call it she, go figure…) was determined, I would say obsessed, with more. It’s like escaping was all she could think about.
Then for over a week, gerbils, RODENTS may I add (though thank god I had the sense to get 2 boys despite what the names suggests) were loose in my flat. Loose and chewing, and roaming and peeing and pooing and….
i finally caught Pinky, being braver she ventured out for food and water (I’m good, I leave them food and water). I put her in a tiny weeny tank we have for collecting tadpoles and stuff. We jokingly called it “solitary”. Within a day she had chewed the catch and head butted open the lid, escaping again. There went cage #3.
Yesterday again she was caught. I put her in an old fish tank, with a heavy book on top (“maximum security”). That’s cage #4 if you’re counting.
Last night in the middle of the night, it’s still dark and something wakes me up CLUNK, CLUNK, CLUNK…no it’s not Viper who is still loose, but determined little Pinky jumping as high as she can to head butt the roof if her prison. She is wild with a passion to be free.
It’s that taste of freedom. Nothing like it.
I just came across a an article called “6 things to do before you go to bed”… Now, as much as I LOVE lists (couldn’t live without them) I’m getting a bit overwhelmed with all the x-amount a day stuff:
2 litres of water a day
5 fruit and veg a day
15 minutes of special time (each child!) per day
Read To your kids, once a day
Doesn’t having it as PER DAY make it seem like a boring task? I don’t think I do any of the above per day on a regular basis, but maybe I do twice as much one day and then none for a few days (ok I admit it I never do special time…there is a reason, or an excuse, which I will explain in another post)
Is it really necessary? Maybe we could add:
Go toilet, alone, once a day
Eat something totally unhealthy standing up at the fridge while the others are in the living room, once a day
Surf Internet guilt free, 3 times a day
….now I could manage that.
A message to the banana wasters: banana wasting is no longer a problem as I now have a solution to turn your evil ways into delicious mama food…
Frozen banana ice cream!
Yes, that’s right, I now have a tupper in my freezer DEDICATED to leftover bits of banana. I know this is gonna make you have a 2-4 year old tantrum, but when I feel like a delicious, healthy, cold snack I just whizz ’em up in my trusty kenwood with some milk, straight up, or add chocolate, almonds or whatever the f*%$ else I feel like…and it’s sooooo good.
So, go on, “waste” away! The squidgier, the better!